Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
