I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
