I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
one two three fourrrrnication!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
