There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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