Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize