I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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