apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
