Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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