At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
