you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
