I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
