Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
