we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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