I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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