I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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