right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
