After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
