dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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