so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
