dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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