no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
