how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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