we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize