She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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