I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
