you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
