so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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