Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
