The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
