Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
