I am full of burrito and curiosity
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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