Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
