Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
