Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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