The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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