I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
