Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
