I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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