True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
