I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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