when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
