sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I love you. Go after that dick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
