i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
