I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there's paper in my vomit.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
