Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
