Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
