He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
