bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
