I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
