i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
