Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
