you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I cockslap morals
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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