that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
