idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
