let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She bit a glass in half.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize