We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
