You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
