every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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