it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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