he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
