Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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