I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your penis caused this!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
