so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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