I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
