I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
