Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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