i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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