How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
