things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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