I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
