I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When did angry sex become our thing?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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