you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize