My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
