ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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