No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
