Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
