I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
