What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
